Lost & Found

I sometimes wonder if, in life's plan for me, I'm allowed to have just a limited number of people. I mean, its just insane that whenever I gain a friend, somewhere I lose one too...and vice versa. Its always balancing itself out. Two very important people close to my heart, I just lost them along the way. And now they're both so very far that its impossible to get them back. Because even if they do come back, its never going to be the same. That phase, it just passed. They're my past. Instead I have new friends, with a new chemistry. And these new people, I don't think I can ever do without them - they're a part of me. And if I lose them, I will surely lose myself.

Oh yesterday, where did you go?

Its almost midnight, I should be asleep by now so I can wake up on time tomorrow. But sleep seems eons away as my mind keeps wandering off... To times when I wasn't someone's wife or daughter in law or mom. When i was just a friend, just me. Don't get me wrong, I love my new life, more than anything. But its different now. Times are different, I am different.

I don't know what is it that's changed though. I've lost some friends, made some new ones. Traveled to new places, had some new experiences. Has it really been that long? It's so hard to believe. I mean, just yesterday I was on a train to some unknown destination with my pals.... I guess I did reach,  but without those familiar faces around me. Now I'm in a world that runs on schedules and to do lists. Can't remember when was the last time I closed my eyes and felt at peace.

It's so unfair, to let go of yesterday for today. Why can't I have both?