Lost & Found

I sometimes wonder if, in life's plan for me, I'm allowed to have just a limited number of people. I mean, its just insane that whenever I gain a friend, somewhere I lose one too...and vice versa. Its always balancing itself out. Two very important people close to my heart, I just lost them along the way. And now they're both so very far that its impossible to get them back. Because even if they do come back, its never going to be the same. That phase, it just passed. They're my past. Instead I have new friends, with a new chemistry. And these new people, I don't think I can ever do without them - they're a part of me. And if I lose them, I will surely lose myself.

Oh yesterday, where did you go?

Its almost midnight, I should be asleep by now so I can wake up on time tomorrow. But sleep seems eons away as my mind keeps wandering off... To times when I wasn't someone's wife or daughter in law or mom. When i was just a friend, just me. Don't get me wrong, I love my new life, more than anything. But its different now. Times are different, I am different.

I don't know what is it that's changed though. I've lost some friends, made some new ones. Traveled to new places, had some new experiences. Has it really been that long? It's so hard to believe. I mean, just yesterday I was on a train to some unknown destination with my pals.... I guess I did reach,  but without those familiar faces around me. Now I'm in a world that runs on schedules and to do lists. Can't remember when was the last time I closed my eyes and felt at peace.

It's so unfair, to let go of yesterday for today. Why can't I have both?

Disease

Cancer (medical term: malignant neoplasm) is a class of diseases in which a group of cells display uncontrolled growth (division beyond the normal limits), invasion (intrusion on and destruction of adjacent tissues), and sometimes metastasis (spread to other locations in the body via lymph or blood). Cancer may affect people at all ages, even fetuses, but the risk for most varieties increases with age. Cancer causes about 13% of all deaths.

I know. I've seen it. I've been witness to how a disease can turn a perfectly normal individual to just a shadow of their former self. I've seen how cancer can break a man. Eat him inside out. Slaughter him, bit by bit, while his family is reduced to being spectators.

So much is going wrong. I want to help. I want to run. I feel numb. How long shall I continue to fake happiness? I want it to be over. I want him to die. I want him to live.

Please God. Help him. Set him free.

Stupid Questions

Why can’t we believe in dreams?
And elude reality?
Follow our heart, for a change
And not our minds?
Why do we have to do the right thing?
And trample on our wishes?
Why do we make rules for ourselves?
Create boundaries
And obstacles
In our paths to make our wishes come true?
Have we stopped dreaming?
Are nightmares all that we save?
Why can’t love be unconditional?
Why can’t life be fair?
I don’t want a fairytale
Fairytales have dragons too
I just don’t want to burst the bubble
And be cold
Alone
In the bitter heartless real world
Why do I ask these questions?
These questions don’t have answers .

Running Free

Living a dream

Living in a dream

Carrying on with life

Butterflies for company

Smiles and good cheer

To keep me going

Touching people, touching lives

Innocence

Trying hard to keep up

With the dream of life

Soaking the sun

The rain soaking me

The wind in my hair

I'm running

I'm running free...

A breath of fresh air

Thank goodness for the Dusshera break. Hubby and I took some time off, and went for a holiday. The mountain air must have something in it... Haven't felt so close to him in a long time. Got a chance to sort it all out. Guess it isn't meaningless after all. Feels good to be happy! :)

Words

It’s only words, they say
To take your heart away
But your words, sweetheart
They tear me apart

A harsh remark here
A rude comment there
An exasperated sigh
And then…indefinite silence

The love has somewhat retreated
Beneath these gashes of words
An empty void remains in my soul
Leaving a trail of blood

It’s only words I had
It’s only wounds I have…